


(Grief) Never Runs Easy

by kitkatt0430



Series: Barry Allen Week 2019 [3]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Caitlin hiding her fears about Killer Frost for now, Cisco realizes he needs to set aside his own grief for the sake of his friendship, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Grief, It's Henry Allen's birthday, M/M, Post-Season/Series 02 AU, Pre-Slash, Trauma, and Barry is having a bad mental health day as a result, baweek2019, mental health, no Flashpoint, or would have been, sick day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-18
Updated: 2019-05-18
Packaged: 2020-02-15 20:19:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18676726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitkatt0430/pseuds/kitkatt0430
Summary: Today would have been Henry Allen's birthday.  And Barry would like to stay home, curled up in bed, and just hide from the world for the day.  But instead he's called out of bed early to fight Weather Wizard, who has escaped from Iron Heights again.  And then he's called into work on his day off when the offsite CSIs are shorthanded due to the flu.  The day does not improve from there.(Or Barry gets pushed to the breaking point on what was supposed to be a mental health day and Cisco finds himself picking up the pieces.)





	(Grief) Never Runs Easy

**Author's Note:**

> For Barry Allen Week - May 11 - Sick Day
> 
> Ignores Flashpoint but Dante is dead, Killer Frost has started manifesting, and the West family drama is at it again anyway.

Barry wakes up not to his alarm, but to his phone, and its with a groggy voice that he answers.

"Weather Wizard broke out of jail again.  We're tracking weird weather patterns at Saints and Sinners," Cisco says tersely over the phone.

"I'll be right there," Barry promises, and the call cuts abruptly.  He grimaces; Cisco hasn't really been up to niceties over the phone - or in person - lately.  Barry misses how close they'd been.

He misses their late night _Star Trek_ marathons and bantering over the comms.  He misses the way Cisco's mouth quirked just slightly more to one side than the other when he grinned and the casual touches.

Barry speeds into his Flash suit and marvels over his ability to fall in love with people who don't love him back.  He's finally made his peace with his unrequited feelings for Iris and he no longer feels torn apart inside when he sees Iris take an interest in someone else.  But it took loosing Cisco's friendship to realize that he'd fallen in love with the cheerful engineer... and Cisco's disdain?  That is definitely shredding Barry apart from the inside out.

He keeps telling himself that Cisco just needs time and, eventually, they'll be friends again.  But he's getting less and less certain of that as the days pass him by and nothing changes.

Barry arrives at Saints and Sinners just in time for the weather to change.  While the bar's owner doesn't usually care about criminals showing up for a drink, Mardon had gotten himself banned before his most recent trip to jail; some fight he'd gotten into with one of the bartenders had particularly pissed off the owner.  Barry had a sneaking suspicion that Mardon was here to finish that fight.

Lightning crackled in the growing thunderstorm and Barry shivered despite himself.  It was one thing when he could control lightning and throw it himself.  It was another thing entirely when that lightning was beyond his control.  He didn't really consciously remember being struck that night, but his subconscious clearly did considering the phobia he'd developed after waking from his coma.

Inside the bar, Mardon was shouting at a bartender, just as Barry had guessed.  Sliding to a stop at the bar, Barry settles on a seat, props his head up on one hand, elbow braced against the bar top, and waited a moment for Mardon to notice him.

"Fucking dammit.  Come on.  I literally just escaped three hours ago.  Couldn't you have give me just a couple hours head start?  Not like it would've made a difference to you," Mardon complained.

Barry just gives Mardon a bored look.  "There's a thunderstorm outside that wasn't there five minutes ago."

"Look, I just..." he scowls at the bartender.  "This guy has been ripping off customers - overcharging for drinks or charging drinks to people that they didn't order.  Who cares if they're drunk, right?  Asshole did it to me which is why I'm here, again."

"I would never..." the bartender tried to object.

"So you want to take me back to Iron Heights, fine.  I don't give a fuck.  But this guy better be headed that way too."

Barry sighed in frustration because, honestly, super powered fights were preferable to this.

The air crackled with electricity and Barry shivered minutely again, the action hidden by the way he was blurring himself.

"Is there a reason you couldn't have just given this information to the cops in exchange for something in jail?  This isn't exactly the sort of thing that anyone in prison would care about you snitching on."

"You can't possibly believe..." the bartender shut up when both metas glared at him again.

"Snart would be so fucking pissed at how this place has gone downhill this last year," Mardon grumbled.

"Yeah, he would," Barry agreed, giving the bartender a pointed look.  "Is that why you broke out?  I didn't think you liked Snart that much."

"Not, really, no," Mardon agreed.  "I wanted to visit Clyde's grave.  His birthday was last week."

Barry gave him the pointed look this time.  "You want to visit Clyde's grave, so you go to a bar first?"

"Actually I went to his grave first.  Then I came here.  To either get this asshole to admit the owner is in on it or electrocute him... though I guess that's off the table now."

"No shit, really?"  Barry rolled his eyes.

The bartender at this point had the bright idea of pulling a gun and shooting at Barry.  He caught the bullets, took the guy's gun, and returned to his seat.  "That was stupid.  Now you're on camera trying to shoot me," he gestured to the camera pointed at the bar.  "So when the cops get here, you'll get to go to jail with Mardon after all."

"Aw, fuck..."

Mardon was staring blankly at the bartender.  "What the actual - how did you think that was a good idea?  Even I know better than to shoot at the guy who is literally faster than a speeding bullet.  Hell, I don't even throw lightning at him anymore because he could fucking catch it and throw it back."

Barry shuddered - once again imperceptible with his blurring, thankfully - and did not mention that he'd never actually done that before.  He probably could if he was moving at the speed necessary to throw lightning, after all he'd seen Zoom do it and if he could learn how to purposely create a Time Remnant from watching Zoom do it then catching lightning ought to be easy.  It was just... the only time he'd seen it done was right before Zoom broke his back.

Not a good memory.

Sirens could be heard in the distance as the police finally began to arrive on the scene.

* * *

Once Mardon and the bartender were sorted out, Barry went home.

He took a shower and flopped on his bed.  Every intention of going back to sleep for an hour or two before... basically following Mardon's lead, really.  He was going to be visiting his parents graves.

Today would have been Henry Allen's birthday.  It used to be that Barry would visit him in prison, bring him a card, sing happy birthday... and now all Barry could do was visit his father's gravestone.

His phone rang right as he was about to drift off.

Groaning, Barry rolled over and answered.

"Mr. Allen," Captain Singh responded, "I'm sorry to do this on your day off.  Today especially.  But another two of the offsite CSIs got the flu.  We need you to come in."

Barry sighed and sat up.  "Can it wait for an hour?  I was going to visit my... my dad's... I was going to visit him," Barry winced as the words he wanted to say caught in his throat and he stumbled over amending his statement.  "If I go now, then I'll have a good twenty minutes there before I need to leave to make it to the station on time."  His new apartment was close enough to the grave yard that was actually a reasonable time table.

Normally that would have prompted a joke about Barry's chronic lateness, but not today.  "Of course, Barry.  I'll see you eleven o'clock."

The call ended and Barry sighed, dropping the phone on the bed and just... feeling frustrated.  Then he got back up, snacked on a powerbar - grimacing at the chocolate covered cardboard taste - and ran to a flower shop to purchase flowers before heading over to the graveyard.

It was easier to look at his mother's headstone than his father's.

Barry swallowed hard.  He hadn't been back since the funeral.

He probably shouldn't have come alone.

* * *

Barry arrived at the CCPD at ten-fifty-five and went straight to Captain Singh's office.

The Captain wanted him to go over the evidence from Saints and Sinners, of all things.  Not the bartender's gun.  The case against him for trying to shoot the Flash was open and shut.  Mardon was gleefully testifying against him and the bar owner for the fraud that had been going on there.  It wasn't even the fraud he'd be looking into: there was a forensic accountant who consulted for the CCPD who'd be looking into that.

No, they wanted Barry to look into a dead body that had been found in the storage room.  The owner was going down for a lot more than fraud, it seemed... and thus Barry was headed back to Saints and Sinners.

So Barry nodded and threw himself into his work, staying at normal speeds, and absently gnawing on another chocolate covered cardboard powerbar en lieu of lunch.  He didn't feel hungry, but Barry knew that was his emotions talking, not his stomach.

He stayed late.  It was nearly nine-thirty by the time Singh poked his head into Barry's lab, demanded to know why the hell Barry was still there.

"Since you didn't get your day off today, you get one tomorrow.  We should have enough of the offsite CSIs back tomorrow to hold the fort without you."

Barry nodded and made a few more notes on the case.  Then he packed up and headed out to the elevators... only to find himself waiting next to Mark Mardon, who was chained to a bench instead of in a holding cell.

"You're Detective West's foster kid, right?  Barry Allen."

Looking over at Mardon, Barry nodded slowly, reassuring himself that the meta suppressant cuffs on the guy were glowing blue and in perfect working order.  Cisco did good work, after all.

"I heard about what happened to Doc Allen.  He was alright.  I was sorry to hear he died."

Startled by the unexpected sympathy, Barry had to give himself a mental shake in order to respond.  "Thanks.  Today would have been his birthday."

"Fuck.  Birthdays are the hardest.  Clyde's was last week.  I know it sounds stupid, but I broke out so I could go yell at his grave.  Since I can't yell at him."

The elevator still hadn't arrived yet, so Barry asked, "mind if I ask what you were yelling at him for?"

"When I was fifteen I was arrested for murder.  Clyde pulled the trigger, but I lied.  Said it was me.  Clyde had wiped down the gun, but I got caught with the stolen cash so..." Mark shrugged.  "Clyde had enemies in jail and I thought I was protecting him.  Not very bright of me, right?  You can guess what his enemies tried to do to me, I'm sure.  Still got a nasty scar where they failed.  But anyway, Clyde broke me out of prison.  But I found out... a few months ago I found out I've got a daughter.  She's sixteen.  I didn't get to see her grow up; I'm never gonna get to see her as an adult.  She's gonna be a scientist and... it got me wondering where I'd be now if Clyde hadn't dragged me along to steal from that convenience store.  Or if he hadn't let me take the rap for that man's murder.  It's too late to change anything now, but... I know its my own fault, I just wondered.  And got so angry with Clyde that... I needed to yell at him.  And what does it matter if I get a few years tacked on to my sentence for escape.  It's not like I have a shot of walking out of Iron Heights a free man anymore."

And didn't that hurt to hear.  Henry didn't get to see Barry grow up either.  And he didn't really get to see Barry as an adult either.

Something pinched and awful that had been lurking around the edges all day seemed to coalesce in Barry's chest.

The elevator dinged, finally, and a group of officers got off.

"Don't go in," one of them told Barry.  "Damn thing was stuck for the last five minutes.  We're gonna have to call maintenance on it again.  The other elevator has been locked down on the first floor just in case."

Barry looked curiously at Mardon, who shook his head.  "It'd make a funny prank, but if I'd screwed with the elevator you'd be able to smell ozone in the air."

"I'm sorry about your daughter," Barry offered quietly.

"Thanks," Mardon responded, tone wry.

Barry headed off to the stairs and as soon as he was past the cameras, he sped home.  Picked up some Chinese on the way, though he'd barely begun to pick at it before Cisco called again.

Fire on Fifteenth street, maybe a new meta.

* * *

Barry put out the fire and confirmed with witnesses that it was indeed a meta with pyrokinetic abilities who'd caused the fire.  So he headed back to STAR Labs to consult with Cisco and Caitlin, see if maybe they could track the meta and catch them that night before another fire was started.

Cisco was terse.  Caitlin was distant.  Neither seemed to remember what day it was.

And thirty minutes later, Cisco had set up an alert system specifically looking for anomalous fires.

"Your phone'll go off the next time Pyro starts a fire.  Best I can do right now," Cisco said, tone cool and distant.

Barry nodded.  "Thanks, Cisco," he replied.  He tried to respond warmly, but was pretty sure he sounded wooden instead.

He went to try to talk to Caitlin before she left.

"Is everything okay?  You've just been kind of... stand off-ish lately."

"I'm fine," Caitlin responded, tone sharp, annoyed.  "You and Cisco don't need to be so nosy all the time.  If anything is bothering me its that neither of you can mind your own business."

Stung, Barry took a step back.  The awful thing in his chest seemed to tighten and he swallowed hard.  "Sorry," he responded, throat tight.  _Just worried about you,_ he wanted to say.  _We never talk anymore.  I know Cisco hates me these days; I'm afraid that maybe you do too._

Barry doesn't say anything more, just lets Caitlin walk out.  He takes a few shaky breaths and realizes his eyes are stinging.

He rubs at his eyes and leans against the wall.  Maybe if he willed it hard enough, he wouldn't start actually crying.

Barry pulls out his phone and considers texting Iris or Joe.  But what would he say?  _I've had a shitty day.  Please cheer me up._

He snorted.  Iris and Joe were fighting again and Barry's attempt to stay a neutral party had backfired such that they were both pissed off at him too.  Neither of them had remembered what today was.  Joe hadn't dropped by the lab to see if he was okay when he came in at eleven.  Iris never texted to see if he was handling the day alright.

It took Barry a few moments to realize tears were running down his cheeks.  And that was, apparently, the final straw.

The awful feeling in Barry's chest twisted and a sob felt like it was punched out of him.  So did the next one, and the one after that.

* * *

Cisco was on his way out when he heard the crying.  Groaning to himself, Cisco turned away from the garage exit and headed towards the sound.  It was pretty clearly not Caitlin crying, but Barry and... as angry as Cisco was with Barry, he wasn't about to leave the guy to cry alone.

Especially not when he sounded like that.

Suddenly nervous, Cisco picked up the pace.  Had something bad happened?  Joe and Iris and Wally were okay, right?  Shit... what if they weren't?  He couldn't imagine much else would make Barry cry like that.

The sound was coming from a dark office.  Cisco couldn't remember who'd used it last, but it'd been empty since before the accelerator created the first of Central City's metas.

It smelled a little musty, actually.  But there wasn't any furniture left inside, but Barry didn't seem to care.  He was sitting on the floor up against a wall, knees drawn up and just... sobbing like his heart had been ripped out and stomped on a few times for good measure.

Feeling suddenly a little sick, Cisco settled down beside Barry and gently wrapped his arms around the other man.  This, however, did not have the comforting affect Cisco had been aiming for.

Barry flinched and started crying harder as he pulled away, though he was clearly trying to stop crying altogether.  He was also saying something, but his speech was blurring - as much from the crying as from being a speedster who clearly wasn't in a state of mind to be paying attention to how fast he was talking, but Cisco got the impression Barry was apologizing and... shit.

It was not a good sign that Barry's reaction to Cisco offering comfort was to freak out.  This was...

All this time, Barry had been trying to give Cisco distance to grieve and let Cisco be a jerk and blame him and now... now when Cisco remembered to be a good friend, Barry was expecting Cisco to be angry with him.

"Hey, Barry, hey, it's okay.  I'm not upset, okay?"  Cisco let Barry pull away.  "I just... you're crying and I'd like to help."  The slightly stunned expression that flittered across Barry's face stung badly.  "Will you tell me what's wrong?"  Though, from the way Barry was crying, the answer was probably 'everything'.

"T-today would've been dad's birthday," Barry said, voice clear enough to hear easily this time.  "It's... today wasn't even that bad, really," his crying slowed as he spoke, though he was clearly avoiding Cisco's gaze.  "I-I don't know why I'm..." he sniffled.  "I'm sorry," he muttered, and pulled away again.

"Barry, it's... it's okay to cry," Cisco told him quietly, feeling his own chest tighten up at the thought of Dante's birthday next year and... he couldn't imagine going through that day alone.

Surely, though, Barry hadn't been alone today... had he?  But Cisco and Caitlin clearly hadn't been there for Barry - they hadn't even remembered what the day was.  "Did you see Joe or Iris or Wally today?"

"No..."  Barry shook his head, rubbing at his eyes.  "They forgot, I think.  Wally probably didn't even know, actually.  He's been busy getting everything lined up for the Fall semester at CCU.  Joe and Iris are fighting again and they're both mad at me for taking the other's side and I'm just... I tired of being in the middle of their arguments.

"I was supposed to have today off.  Go visit dad's grave and then just... I dunno, comfort bake or something.  I ended up being called in.  Dead body found in the back of Saints and Sinners.  Might want to let Mick know the ownership is in question; it was Snart's favorite bar so..."

"Maybe he'll want to take over the place?  Memorialize it for him?"  Cisco filled in, half joking.

"Something like that," Barry agreed, sniffling again.  "I did get to visit dad's grave, but then I was straight to work and Joe wouldn't even look at me when I walked past his desk and... Mark Mardon knew my dad.  He was actually sympathetic about his death.  It was weird."

Cisco immediately wanted to know why Barry had been talking to Mardon as himself, because that conversation was most certainly not one Mardon should be having with the Flash, but Cisco held it in.  He could ask later.  "I'm sorry.  You shouldn't have had to deal with today alone.  I... I've been a pretty shitty friend lately.  I'd like to do better, if you'll give me a chance."

Barry's mouth slowly curled in a hopeful smile that was lovely despite his tear-blotched face.  He nodded and then leaned forward burying himself in Cisco's arms again.

They stayed that way for a little while before Cisco's legs started to cramp.  "Alright, lets get up.  Want to grab dinner and head back to my place?  Or yours?  I just... don't think you should be alone right now, feeling like this."

"I've got Chinese in my fridge at home," Barry told Cisco quietly, still on the floor while Cisco stood and stretched.  "I didn't really have a chance to eat any before you called about the fire."

Holding out a hand, Cisco helped Barry stand back up.  Then he held Barry steady when the speedster swayed dizzily.

"When's the last time you ate?"  Cisco demanded worriedly.

"Um... I had a powerbar sometime this afternoon," Barry replied, hunching back in on himself.

"Let's get you another one.  You can eat it while I drive us to your place."  Which, really, was more like Barry would inhale it in the first few seconds of the drive and then play navigator because...

Because Cisco hadn't been back to Barry's new place since 'helping' Barry move in.  He'd ordered pizza while Barry buzzed around at super speeds and then queued up a few _Star Trek_ movies.  Three days later, Dante was dead and Cisco... Cisco asked Barry for something he knew Barry would never agree to.

Guilt curled deep in Cisco's gut, but he put on a happy face anyway and chattered about the latest _Star Wars_ trailer en lieu of having anything better to say.  Barry seemed to appreciate the chatter, anyway, because he relaxed and stopped sniffling and crying altogether and his face cleared up.  By the time they reached the break room, Barry didn't look like he'd been crying at all, never mind crying like the whole world was ending.

In the break room, however, all Cisco could find were the chocolate covered powerbars.  The ones Barry complained about tasting like chocolate covered cardboard.  "I though there were some of the almond butter bars left," Cisco grumbled, pushing around boxes in the cabinets.

"No, I... I've been running a lot more just as a, uh, outlet for myself since... since Zoom..." Barry shut back down.  "I've been eating more as a result.  I ran out the other week and just... made some more on my own.  But I wasn't sure where you kept the recipes so I made the basic version."

The basic version: a nice way of saying 'I made gross food because I was afraid asking for help making good food would upset you.'

Cisco sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face.  Swamping himself in guilt over how he'd been treating Barry wasn't going to make things better and swinging from one extreme to another would only confuse and hurt Barry more in the long run.  So, how did he fix this when Barry had been munching on cardboard for what was probably about two weeks.  The obvious answer was bake more powerbars, but that would have to wait until tomorrow.  For tonight...

Grabbing a powerbar, Cisco popped open another cabinet, this one with Cisco's snacks in it, and grabbed a jar of peanut butter and some honey.  Then he stowed those on the counter, grabbed a disposable bowl, and then used the bowl to mix up the peanut butter and honey to make a yummy dip for the bar.  That ought to help mask the awful taste some, right?

After putting the leftover peanut butter and honey away, Cisco presented the snack to Barry with a flourish.

"What's..." Barry poked at the bowl uncertainly.  "What's this for?"

"I figured you could use it to cover the taste of the powerbar.  I know this version of the bar is pretty awful, so..."  He smiled hopefully and Barry opened up the bar wrapper to give it a taste test.

"That is good," Barry grinned.

"To the car," Cisco proclaimed.

* * *

"You really don't have to stay," Barry told Cisco.

"It's nearly one-thirty in the morning," Cisco responded with a yawn, turning off the tv.  They'd been watching _The Mummy_ , a truly wonderful comfort movie; they let the credits run out and then watched the music video in the special features, but now the menu screen was looping the default animation and Cisco was about ready to face-plant into the pillow next to him.  "I should not be driving right now.  And I still can't manage intra-dimensional portals.  So your couch it is."

"I'll go grab some blankets," Barry told him and then got up to do so at normal human speeds.

Cisco curled up on the couch and closed his eyes.  When he opened them again, there were blankets tucked around him and light streaming through the window.

His phone was ringing.

Frowning in confusion, Cisco sat up and answered the phone.

"Oversleep?" Caitlin teased on greeting him.

"Yeah.  Fell asleep on Barry's couch and forgot to set my alarm."

There was silence on the other end.  "You're at Barry's?" Caitlin asked, sounding surprised.

"Yeah, I... yesterday was Henry's birthday.  I found Barry crying in one of the abandoned offices near the parking garage when I was about to leave."  Cisco frowned when Caitlin made a strangled noise.  "I've been kind of a crappy friend to everyone since Dante died, but Barry especially and I just... I thought he was handling Henry's death okay and took out all my anger and frustration over Dante's death on him and that's... that's really not okay.  And he's not handling things okay because no one's supporting him."

"He was crying?" Caitlin asked in a small voice.

"Loud ugly sobbing, yeah," Cisco replied, tone suspicious.  "Caitlin... did you say something to him before leaving last night?"

"I was in a bad mood because you kept asking invasive questions all day and then he started in too so I..." Caitlin sighed.  "No, he was just worried.  You both were just worried.  I'm... I'm not okay right now either."

The door to Barry's room opened and the speedster zombie walked to the coffee maker.

"Hold on a sec, Cait," Cisco put the phone down and called to Barry, "hey, want me to get Caitlin to join us and we can just be lazy and watch movies all day or something?  I'm assuming, that is, you've got today off work since yesterday didn't work out and thus you're not epically late this morning."

"Yeah, I've got today off in exchange for coming in yesterday."  Barry stole Cisco's phone as he joined the engineer on the couch.  "Hey Caitlin.  Did you hear Cisco's suggestion?"  He paused a few moments while, presumably, Caitlin responded to him.  "Yes, please, lots of donuts.  You are amazing and wonderful and I forgive you for snapping at me yesterday."  He handed the phone back to Cisco, a look of bliss on Barry's face.  "Mmmm... donuts..."

"Alright, Homer," Cisco muttered, putting the phone back up to his ear.  "I hear there will be donuts?"

Caitlin laughed.  They said their goodbyes a few moments later and Cisco ended the call, tossing the phone onto the coffee table and then slumping against Barry's side.

"So... feeling better this morning?" Cisco asked.

"I don't know."  Barry sighed and leaned his head against Cisco's.  "I'm... I haven't been sleeping well lately.  On and off since dad died, really.  So I'm tired a lot and... running helps me calm back down after bad dreams, but that just means I need to eat more.  But I don't really feel hungry even when I know I should and... I was like this after mom died, when I wasn't angry and screaming at Joe anyway.  Just tired and listless and kind of depressed.  Apparently the only kind of sick I can be any more is mental health wise.  And it sucks."

"I've been really angry with Dante," Cisco admitted quietly.  "And I've been taking it out on you.  When I asked you to go back in time and save Dante... I knew you'd say no.  After the singularity... after Ronnie and Eddie died, we all agreed to live with our grief and accept they were dead.  That we weren't going to follow in Doc... in Eobard Thawne's footsteps by becoming so obsessed with the past that we forgot to let ourselves have a future.  To not use our powers to play god.  And then Dante died and... it was easier to be angry with you than with him because you're here and he isn't.  So even though it made me a massive hypocrite... I still asked that of you and I'm sorry, Barry.  You deserve so much better from me."

Barry slid an arm around Cisco's shoulders and turned their mutual leaning thing into a hug.  "I kind of knew that already, but it's a relief to hear you say it out loud.  Because I've really missed having my best friend."

"Me too."  Cisco's voice was a little choked up.  "At some point today I need to make you the good powerbars," he added, blatantly changing the subject.  "Cause having only the kind you don't like to eat is probably contributing to your feeling depressed and not feeling hungry.  Do not discount the way enjoying your meals can affect your mental health.  Or, you know, how only having food you don't like negatively affects it."

"True," Barry agreed.  "Though that peanut butter and honey mix you made was actually really good.  Not, like, almond butter levels good, but really close."

Cisco grinned smugly.  "I could have been a gourmet chef in another life."

"I bet, somewhere out in the multiverse, there is a reality where you are indeed a gourmet chef," Barry joked.

"Maybe I'm that reality's version of Gordon Ramsey," Cisco speculated with a laugh.  He was still snuggled in Barry's arms, which... very comfortable.  10/10 would cuddle again.  He'd missed this, just feeling comfortable being close with his best friend.

His crush, actually, if Cisco were being honest with himself.  Not that he was going to say anything.  The way Barry was hung up on Iris?  Trying to change their relationship to something other than friendship was a disaster Cisco did not want to chance.  Not when being Barry's best friend was so very nice and rewarding.  Not when he'd already nearly screwed up the friendship they had out of grief.

In fact... maybe they were cuddling a little too closely right now because it would be so easy to just look up at Barry's face and tilt his head to the side so that their mouths met and...

Cisco slid out of Barry's embrace.  "So, what's really going on with Joe and Iris?  I mean, I know they're fighting, but what is it over this time?"

Barry groaned.  "Iris went on a date with Scott Evans."

"Wait... isn't that guy her boss now?"

"Yeah.  It was one date and it didn't go anywhere and things are fine at work between them.  But she mentioned it to Joe and he went off on her being irresponsible and Evans being skeevy.  He was way out of line, which is pretty much par for the course when it comes to Iris' dating life.  She brought up Francine and I was trying to very subtly make excuses to leave at that point so I have no idea how she managed that segue only that she was very much out of line too.  And because I tried to call them both on it, they each assumed I was taking the others side and started yelling at me so I just... ran away.  And I haven't really talked to either of them properly in the last two weeks."  Barry sighed.  "Joe had a point that the power imbalance between Iris and Evans was pretty big and could have gone badly.  She's fortunate to be a good judge of character because if Evans weren't a good person she could've been burned professionally for choosing not to pursue a personal relationship with him.  But Joe's way of conveying this sentiment was..."

"Oh, I think I can guess," Cisco wrinkled his nose, knowing exactly how Joe got when he went into overprotective father mode.

"Yeah.  If it weren't that I'm stuck in the middle of yet another West-family feud, I'd be happy for Iris that she's finally at a point where she feels like she can go on dates again and move on from Eddie's loss."  Barry sighed and then grabbed a blanket off the floor, wrapping it around his shoulders.  "I'm even at a point where I think I'm actually getting over her myself.  It's kind of weird feeling like this when I'm so used to being hung up on her.  I mean... I'll always love her, but... I'm not sure I'm in love with her anymore.  If that makes any sense."

"Really?"  Cisco told himself he did not squeak.  He was about seventy percent sure he wasn't lying to himself about it either.  "That's... that's great, Barry.  And it totally makes sense."  It still wasn't a good time to mention his own feelings - not until Cisco could forgive himself for being a jerk to Barry since the speedster seemed to be all for immediate forgiveness.  But at least... if Barry really was over Iris then maybe Cisco had a chance after all.

The alarm on Cisco's phone for a meta-alert went off.

Sighing, Cisco grabbed the phone and then disabled the alarm.

Barry frowned as Cisco put the phone back on the table.  "What is it?"

"Meta got caught using their powers to cheat at poker; false alarm.  Pretty sure the same dude gets into a stupid scrape with his mild telepathy once every couple of weeks and no matter how I tweak the algorithm, he keeps popping up.  But he's not really hurting people... unless you count himself.  Cheating at poker in a Family run underground casino..."  Cisco shook his head sadly.  Dude was lucky to only have a broken hand after that.  "Anyway.  We're all taking a sick day today.  Or a mental health day, whatever.  Unless there's an emergency, we're staying in all day and watching movies."

"Works for me," Barry agreed, shooting a glance at the door.  Probably wanting Caitlin to hurry up with the donuts.

Honestly, speedsters... no patience.

"Coffee's ready," Cisco pointed out, grinning as Barry hopped up to go pour two cups for them.  A sick day, just Barry, Cisco and Caitlin... it'd be a good way to maybe jump start fixing the breaks in their team dynamic.  Maybe Caitlin would finally feel up to telling them what was going on with her.  Cisco suspected it had something to do with Zoom, but whatever it was... he hoped that maybe as he worked to improve things with Barry then Caitlin would start to feel comfortable talking to them both again.

"So, want to put on _The Mummy Returns_?" Barry asked.

"Definitely," Cisco grinned.  "Let's wait for Caitlin to get here, though.  She loves that movie too."  Barry nodded and smiled brightly in response, his tentativeness from the night before falling away entirely and... Cisco blushed a little.

Yeah... he'd missed this. 

**Author's Note:**

> Wasn't really sure where to go from here so that's all folks.


End file.
